Absent

The reason that I have not been writing as of late is because this is an open journal. It's not that things have not been happening, they have, it's just in my opinion nothing worth noting down. Right now I am giving tests to me kids, not because I want to, but because I have to. I am not happy about this because it means that while we are testing they are not able to have a Christmas lesson, which I know is what they wanted from me, and I cannot deliver. My hands are tied. So I am angry about that.

Another reason is that people read this journal or have the ability to read it. I am not going to be a self-absorbed ass and write things on here, knowing full well that people will be able to read it and will want to read it and make a big deal out of things. Oh no. I'm just sick. Sick and tired of being different. I fit in here in a weird way. Why? Because I'm more Chinese minded than I am American minded. There. That's it. I'm more accepting, I'm more patient, I'm more open-minded and I'm more tolerant than nearly 80% of this group. I am also a person who is including and caring, until you cross me. Do not cross me.

I cannot get into the Christmas spirit because there really isn't any Christmas spirit to be had. There's no Christianity over here, no Jesus, none of that. And I don't have anyone here that I feel the need to buy things for. There are people that I wish I knew better so that I could buy them gifts, but I don't know them, and it's hard to buy gifts for people you don't know. I have a hard enough time as it is buying presents for my own family on Christmas much less for people I've known for maybe 3 months.

I need to find a place to travel this vacation. I still don't know where to go and I don't want to go alone and I'm sure that I sound like the traveling partner that no one would want right now and I don't care. I'll figure it out and I'll get lost, it'll be fine.

I'm sorry, this is an angry post. But it's actually a lot more watered down than it started out being. Better posts will be coming with the holidays. My kids are going to be putting on English plays and there will hopefully non-sucky Christmas parties. I'm not depressed, I'm not anything I just needed to vent so there's no need to worry.

Peace