Losing My Religion

Today I moved through my own share of emotions. My classes were shook up like a boggle ball because of the mid terms this week. My four classes today were not the four classes I normally have on Mondays and it was definitely a change. I had things all prepared but I realized that it may have been better to attack this as sort of a free week because I only teach three days this week. Unfortunately I was told this about 10 minutes before class started. I came prepared to do a little book work, look at photos and then play a game of some kind. Only two classes made it to the game. It doesn't help that I've recently lost my voice due to the cold that I acquired over the weekend. I sound like a 12 year old boy, albeit a "sexy" 12 year old boy as I've been told by students of both this school and shenzhen university. Fantastic. So I squeaked my way through my first class, who were mostly well behaved and then moved on to my second.

Something was just wrong in that class and I could tell from the get go. I don't know what happened. I get weird vibes in that class. Like they're plotting against me. This was the class that I punished with book work three weeks ago because they just wouldn't shut up. Also we never did get to game because I didn't have the tools I needed for it. Maybe we'll try it next week. I felt bad and I have a feeling they could feel my fear. It weirds me out when they're super quiet, which they were. I just hope I didn't make them think they were being punished. I don't need that. I left the class feeling dejected and as a failure at teaching. I don't need my kids, any of my kids not liking me.

Luckily, I gave myself a pep talk. The right side of my brain told the left side to shut the fuck up. I do this sometimes, it sounds a little crazy but it helps to give me perspective on a lot of things. I came to the conclusion that yes some of my kids aren't going to like me. I'm a teacher. Even I didn't like my best teachers sometimes. I had my fights and disagreements with them. It's a little bit of karma kicking me in the shins. It's just going to have to push me to work hards. NO I shouldn't have to entertain these kids all the time, there are days when we are going to do bookwork and they should just understand that. Two weeks ago we did Halloween, last week they had military training. This week is exams. So sometimes it's work and sometimes it's play. When they work, they work very hard, but when they play they play just as hard. If they hate me, so what. I have 1,200 other kids who make the whole thing worthwhile. I'm allowed to have one class who makes life difficult for me, especially when I hear some of the other experiences from other teachers (I have angels compared to some). So I told myself to shut up and stop looking for acceptance from 14 year olds, it aint gonna happen sometimes. Just gerron wif it. (Monty Python Reference)

Thankfully (at least for my more sensitive side that always needs validation) the last two classes of the day went really well. Class 8 (always a pleasure to have cuz they're my smart babies) did very well and played the prepped game and Class 1 who were noisy for the most part, when we got to the game did beautifully (even though they got a little crazy with the ball throwing).
I walked out of the last class breathing better and feeling for recharged and more positive.

Notes from this past weekend and today:

- Watched Caroline get her hair cut Saturday and then went with BA yestreday to get my hair cut. It seems that because we get bored over here and there's not parents to tell us how to cut our hair or men to judge us we're more prone to messing with our looks. We seem to be using this as an outlet to some of our frustrations with this country. "I can't change what I hate about some things here, but I can fuck with my looks." My hair is a little....shorter than normal and the guy thinned it the heck out. It's never been this thin, it blows in the tiniest amount of wind. I call it the "Chinese look" because they're hair always looks so thin. I'll put pictures up somewhere....eventually. The nice part about getting our hair cut here is it'll grow back by the time we go home.

- Yesterday at SZ University I watched Ian and Brendon "pop and lock" dance and it was one of the best things I've witnessed all week. I'm also going to start referring to them as Luke and Han, cuz our little trio reminds me of that when we travel together

-That SAME kid tried to steal from me again yesterday. I turned around as he was about to reach for the same pocket. Luckily my ipod was tucked into my jeans. I shouted at him and he booked. I saw him again as I was crossing the same bridge and grabbed his shirt, he dashed off. I'm wondering whether this is going to become a problem or some sort of strange game.

- Last night at the university we discussed the friends episode where Pheobe has the cold and the "sexy voice" and I about died laughing. Brendon got an Ocharina from a guy named Jimbo and I found that I cannot speak Chinese with the voice problem I have now. We also discussed "black humor" and porn. Win.

- Got a package from mom it was fantastic. Cookies got destroyed and I missed having more than one pair of jeans. Got bunches of photos and magazine wif Keira Knightly on the cover and lots of other goodies. Yay thanks mum :)

- The boy that sits with me and Katherine at lunch was cute and told us he has a crush on a girl in his class today but it's a secret. It made me realize two things. I forgot I was teaching teenagers and Valentine's Day is gonna be hella fun to teach.

- Brendon (after drinking on Friday): "Hey Shauna, what's the measure word for cleavage?"
Me : "Oodles. Oodles of cleavage."

- Gavin's birthday Friday, accompanied by Jack's toast, his dancing (which I hate that I missed) yummy Japanese fried food, creepy guys with long hair, Gavin molesting Caroline with pics to prove it. D club and retrieving that hat, which...actually never left I guess. Sunglasses at night are douchbaggy. Weird cab rides home.

I'm going to add a quick end note because I'm tired of writing (which is obvious because there are SO many details left out of this) Fall has finally shown up in Shenzhen. It's not that pissy cool weather that only comes on the tail end of a thunderstorm, it was cold this morning. After taking my not-warm-enough-shower I hopped back into my covers to try to warm myself back up because I greeted the day. Because it has gotten so cold, my kids have switched uniforms (at least their fancy ones) to resemble what I wore for Halloween. My girls look how I looked but my boys where long sleeve white collar shirts and navy jackets. These little men are possibly the cutest thing I have seen since coming here. They're adorable because often the jackets come over-sized so tiny hands stick out of ridiculously long sleeves. I can't teach them like this because I just sit there and "squee" for about 10 minutes every class. Really thank God for school uniforms and cute kids.

That's all folks.

oh p.s. mom stop harassing Joel about comments. I feel weird if I knew people were checking my blog on near obsessive levels. I have no problem with the lack of comments. Plus, it's like a watched pot situation, and it reminds me of too many other things that I'm dealing with right now that sort of depress me. So as I say nicely but firmly to my kids who talk too much. "Shh."